Note to readers • This is part of a collaborative project between The Salt Lake Tribune and the Highland High School Rambler. Amplify Utah is publishing the work through its ongoing partnership with the Tribune to elevate diverse perspectives in local media through student journalism. Read more about these young Utahns’ experiences here.
Teenage years are filled with firsts. They’re filled with making friends and losing friends. Having people walk in and out of our life is a normal thing for teens to experience. We learn what we want and need in a friend, as well as what we can live without.
But what aspects of friends really matter? Their likes and dislikes? Their values and priorities? What about their religion?
I’m a non-Latter-day Saint teen who grew up in Utah, and I feel disconnected from many of my religious peers. Since this state is the headquarters for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, most of my friends have grown up going to church, reading the Bible and the Book of Mormon, and participating in religious practices like going to seminary during school.
These kids, especially teenagers, have a special bond that comes only from shared experiences and beliefs. But only about 50% of Salt Lake City’s population is Latter-day Saint.
So where are the others?
I can’t speak for everyone, but I personally have experienced being ghosted and left out from group activities with my Latter-day Saint peers.
Most of the kids on my street are Latter-day Saints. When I first moved into my house five years ago, these girls were inclusive, kind and welcoming. But as time went on, it felt like there was an invisible wall separating us.
I was excluded from conversations about the church’s For the Strength of Youth (FSY) summer camps and the weekly activities for Young Women. I was ignored when I had questions. They often told me “I should already know” the answers.
For countless Sundays, I sat at home wondering why I couldn’t hang out with anyone. I felt left out when I saw my friends walking down the street laughing together and wearing dresses. I eventually found out that those girls with whom I had been so close threw a party and hadn’t invited me. I was passively kicked out of the group, and I didn’t even understand why.
Our encounters from then on consisted only of awkward smiles and passive-aggressive side eyes as we passed one another on the sidewalk.
Years passed, and I slowly got over the situation. I no longer wondered why they didn’t like me — until the topic came up in conversation with my family.
My family said the girls didn’t like me because I’m not a Latter-day Saint and, apparently, that made me an outcast. I was told that I didn’t fit in because I’ve never attended a sermon, never sat on a pew or never knew anyone who’s received a mission call.
Until that conversation, I never saw religion as an issue. But now it feels like a barrier.
Isn’t religion about inclusivity and the relationships between people? I understand that specific behaviors and values can separate people, but I don’t believe I’m actively betraying Latter-day Saint standards. I’m just not a member.
I am sure I’m not the only teen in Salt Lake City who’s felt and experienced this invisible wall. But I believe there is an easy solution: Invite others.
The more time people spend together, the more common ground can be found. This is how we overcome barriers.
All people want a choice in their lives. When you invite non-Latter-day Saints to church activities, you’re giving them the choice. When you exclude others from activities, you make the choice for them.
If church activities can be about inclusivity and focus more on bonding with people of different faiths, then I believe they can be enjoyed by everyone. But if non-Latter-day Saints are constantly feeling pressure to join the church, they may feel emotionally isolated from everyone else.
Like anything, one label doesn’t define who we are as individuals. There are church members I don’t get along with, but some of my best friends are Latter-day Saints. What defines you is how you act with that label.
The church preaches inclusivity and a place for all, but is that really what the culture shows?
