Lili, 18

'Taking Three Classes'

“High school was difficult. I finished in the shelter. I moved out of my parents’ house two weeks after I turned 18. There were just problems in my family that were getting to me and my mental health. So, I decided to move out and try and make it better.

It was putting me into a rut and a suicidal downpour that wasn’t going up. I wasn’t coping. I was using weed and alcohol to get away from everything … Daily. It was just making my relationships so difficult to manage. It was literally people leaving my life one by one by one. That made the problems worse, because I fell more into a loneliness.

I decided to move out because there was a big argument, and I was just done. I went to the Youth Resource Center, the one on 900 South and 400 West [in Salt Lake City]. It was difficult. I was trying to finish high school and be in a shelter at the same time. Before everyone else at the shelter got up, I was out the door and catching the #9 bus up to East High School every morning. Then coming home, everyone would be going out clubbing and drinking, and I would be doing homework. I decided to finish school instead of letting alcohol and weed take over my life.

I’m currently couch surfing ... I’ve also stayed out on the streets, too. It’s scary. I’ve been offered drugs that were probably laced with something. I’ve been sexually assaulted several times on the streets. I’ve been robbed of everything I have on the streets.

I’d like to get housing and finish school. I’m going to Salt Lake Community College. I’m studying social and behavioral science. In my senior year, I received a $1,000 scholarship to SLCC. So, I’m utilizing that scholarship and financial aid through the school. It’s hard to manage being out here and school and work at the same time. I’m taking three classes. I’m working … as a soda bartender. I want to work with kids in foster care. I was in foster care myself in Washington.

It’s hard to find joy when all you’re thinking about is what food is going to be in my stomach, where I’m going to sleep tonight. Am I sleeping under a bridge? Am I sleeping at a shelter? Am I sleeping at a friend’s house? It’s just difficult.”

Photograph and story documented by Stephen Speckman.