Danielle, 47

'The Waiting Game'

“I’m from Provo, born and raised. Moved to California till I was 12 – Ventura, Southern California

I’m the oldest of six. Born and raised LDS. We moved back here to Orem. My dad was a postman. Childhood was fine. I was happy. Went to high school and all that stuff. I was an Orem Tiger – ’97. Drill team. Track. I ran – really fast. I remember those times.

We’ve been homeless three years this time. We met at VOA detox 11 years ago. Heroin and morphine. I was really into that. Methamphetamine more recently. I’ve been clean, off heroin for seven years. I used to be an IV user for years. I almost lost my hand.

I’m bipolar, personality disorder, all drug induced psychosis. I’ve been on meds since I was 13 years old for depression.

There are more drugs in the shelters than on the streets. We’re still waiting for housing. We’re in the waiting game for now.

I’ve been to federal prison. I robbed a bank. In Provo. I went in there and said I had a gun. I was trying to get my boyfriend at the time out of jail. And, I got the money, got him out, and he told on me. I did five years in a prison in Dublin, California. I worked at Alcatraz actually, in the park. I had a lot of fun doing that. The first four years I was behind the fence, medium security prison. But it was like a college campus there – I had fun. I took college courses in retail.

I let a lot of people stay at my house. My house got raided three times. I was a functional addict. I kept my job the whole time. I lost my house first, then everything went to shit. I lost my cars – one of them was used out of state in a bank robbery. Drug dealers stayed in the house. One of them used my shed for a meth lab. It was bad.

We want to go back to college. I want to go back to be a locksmith. I think it would be really cool. Not because I’m a thief (laughs). People think it’s because you’re a tweaker and you want to break into things. I want to break into things legally. You set your own hours. They make a lot of money.

I have four kids by two different guys. I have three boys and a girl. I think of them every day. It’s easier sometimes to just ignore it than to think about it. It’s just too hard.”

Photograph and story documented by Stephen Speckman.